People Who Fight to Defend Themselves and Are Strong-Willed Often Have These 7 Childhood Experiences, According to Psychology

A firm attitude and the ability to defend oneself are two important skills in adult life.

However, not everyone is able to show firmness or defend their own rights, even when treated unfairly.

Some people feel awkward, afraid of being rejected, or guilty when they have to say "no" or express their needs.

Many individuals who grow up to be too passive, easily exploited, or constantly yielding actually have a specific pattern of experiences from their childhood.

Reported by Geedotomg on Wednesday (7/24), there are seven childhood experiences often experienced by people who have difficulty being firm when they grow up.

Children raised by very authoritarian parents--where everything must follow the rules without room for discussion--tend to grow up with a fear of confrontation.

They learned from an early age that expressing opinions can end in punishment, being scolded, or being rejected.

As a result, when they grow up, they are accustomed to keeping their feelings and have difficulty expressing what they want or need.

According to clinical psychologists, people raised in an authoritarian parenting style often associate self-expression with danger.

Firmness is considered a form of resistance that can lead to conflict, and this makes them tend to choose silence as a means of survival.

2. Often Criticized or Dismissed

If a child often receives demeaning criticism or negative comments from parents, teachers, or the surrounding environment, he or she may grow up with low self-esteem.

Children like this tend to feel that their opinions are not important or worthy of being heard.

When they grow up, they prefer to remain silent because they feel unworthy of defending themselves.

Comments such as "you are always wrong," or "don't talk so much" can create psychological wounds that make a person hesitant every time they want to be firm or express their opinion.

3. Parents' Emotional Responsibility Is Being Blamed

Children who have to "take care of" their parents' emotions—such as when parents are depressed, unstable, or overly emotionally dependent—often grow up to be individuals who are overly concerned with others' feelings and neglect their own needs.

They are accustomed to controlling themselves so as not to make others angry, disappointed, or sad.

When they grow up, they find it difficult to set boundaries.

They are afraid that their firmness might hurt or make others suffer, because they are used to being "peacemakers" since childhood.

4. Continuous Comparison

Children who are often compared with their siblings, friends, or neighbors' children will learn that they are never good enough.

They grow up with low self-esteem and the belief that others are always better, more correct, or more worthy.

As a result, they find it difficult to maintain their own position or opinion because they are already accustomed to feeling "lower" than others.

This feeling of inferiority makes them give up more quickly in discussions or conflicts, and they tend to over-accommodate to be accepted.

5. Rarely Witnessing Intense Arguments at Home

Children who grow up in homes filled with arguments or violence often experience trauma that makes them very afraid of conflicts.

For them, a dispute is something frightening and must be avoided at all costs.

Therefore, when they grow up, they will prefer to avoid rather than fight for their opinions.

They believe that being firm can trigger major disturbances, and prefer to yield even if it means sacrificing their personal comfort.

6. Rarely Given the Opportunity to Make Decisions

Children whose decisions are always made by adults without ever being asked for their opinion tend to grow up to be passive individuals.

They are not accustomed to thinking critically about what they want or need.

When they grow up, they become confused in making choices and feel unworthy to make decisions for themselves.

Lack of experience in saying "this is what I want" makes them hesitant in being firm and tends to follow the crowd, even when it does not align with their inner desires.

7. Never Feeling Safe to Express Yourself

An emotionally unsafe childhood environment--where emotional expressions such as anger, sadness, or disappointment are not appreciated or even mocked--can make a person shut off their emotions and desires.

They learned that opening up is something dangerous or embarrassing.

When they grow up, this individual will feel it very difficult to be firm because being firm means having to show what they feel or think.

And because of that, it feels "dangerous," so they prefer to remain silent.

Conclusion: Firmness Can Be Learned

It is important to realize that firmness is not something that must be possessed from childhood.

Although past experiences shape the way we behave, psychology also shows that these patterns can be changed.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), assertive communication training, and increased self-awareness can help a person learn to defend themselves without feelings of guilt or fear.

Being firm does not mean being rough. Firmness is the ability to honestly express what you need, think, and feel—without hurting others, and without sacrificing yourself.

If you feel difficulty in defending yourself, understand that you are not alone.

More importantly, you don't have to continue living with the same patterns.

Every day is a new opportunity to start building your own voice - with courage and love for yourself.

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